When Taylor was little, he had a hard time going to sleep. For quite some time I would rub his back and sing "I love you, Lord" to get him to sleep at night. Three years ago, on our last Sunday at church, before he was leaving for college, we sang that song. My eyes welled up as I remembered all those nights. I took Taylor's hand. He leaned over to me and said, "I remember". That's when the ugly cry started. That moment is as vivid as if it happened yesterday.
Today, Mama-ache was unbearable. His schedule hasn't permitted him to come home lately so I decided to go see him. I wrapped his valentines gift and started out. He and I arrived at his apartment at the same time. I had to look twice at him. "You cut your hair?", I said. "Yes, it was really long and with baseball starting…", he replied. And for a moment he wasn't 21, he was the buzz-cut little boy that left me valentines cut out of construction paper.
At times I've noticed that when you share that you miss your child who's away at college people think that you haven't let go or that you don't embrace where they are in their lives right now. I disagree. I am so pleased with the man he is becoming but there are times when Mama-ache, for whatever reason, takes hold and brings us back to what was and for a little while I mourn that passing. I don't find anything wrong with that. A couple hours later, Mama-ache subsided, I was back on the road. The sun was shining brightly and I thanked God for Taylor and for a wonderful visit.
Joyfully,
Oh Renee. This post tugs at my heart deeply. I use to sing the song that goes, Lord you are more precious than silver... and I audiotaped Nathan singing it at age two and it still grips my heart to hear his little voice then and also so amazed at the young man he is becoming. I know that Mamma ache. And also the pride of watching him grow and mature. Your post brought thankful tears to my eyes. :0)
ReplyDeletemy baby boy is two and a half. i sing him to sleep with that song.
ReplyDeleteI know just what you mean Renee. SOmetimes I look at the photos of when my girls were little and I miss those little girls so much! They have become wonderful young women, but I think we always see our children with a mama's eyes. We always see that little one that we used to hold so close and we wish we could dothat forever. I bet Taylor was so glad to see you:>)
ReplyDeleteMy mama-ache is shared with you over such a beautiful story. I love that puzzle and all that it means. You must be so amazingly proud. My bff and I met the first day our oldest joined the church mother's day out. Two years ago they were confirmed together. Now they attend high school together now. We nearly cry once a week knowing this will be our last year to pick them up in the car line. Our youngest will be doing the same thing. God has richly blessed us with people and support. I am ever thankful for the love and life he gives consistently. Smiles...Renee
ReplyDeleteRenee,
ReplyDeleteWe are on the same page! I am in VA and got to hug my sweet girls neck for the first time since Chrismas! IT WAS AMAZING!!! She is amazing and walking a walk that only the Lord could have made possible. This mama's heart is FULL tonight. Isn't God good!
Nancy
Oh my dear, you make my heart swell. I am always trying to prepare myself for this day, when my 13 yr old will be right where your son is. It hurts already. Thank you for sharing. I bet the Mama ache never goes away.
ReplyDeleteWhat a precious post and treasured memories! How wonderful that you were able to make the trip to see him. I am truly touched by your words. We've got one in college and one serving in the Marines. This new empty nest thing is taking some getting used to. Thankfully, the Lord is in control, but those Mama-aches are fierce. I don't believe in time travel, but its funny how you can be wisked back 20 years in a heartbeat.
ReplyDeleteWhen our precious child grows up and leaves the nest.Can't help but to feel that mama ache. I too thank God for all the blessings and move on.
ReplyDeleteKimiki_straw2000@yahoo.com
Ohhh...That Mama-ache- it is so a part of our mother's hearts. I think we all have those moments, and probably always will. Even though they are whiskery and manly we still remember those little boys who often smelled like little wet puppies. :) Well, mine did anyway. This post made my Mama's heart ache too!
ReplyDeleteHi Renee,
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful and heartfelt story. I understand the Mama ache as my baby has flown the nest and I am missing her terribly.
xo,
Danielle
Thank you, Renee, for sharing this part of your life. My oldest daughter is very near to your age and I still feel that ache you describe. I used to sing Blessed Assurance when I rocked my youngest to sleep. Thanks for the sweet memories.
ReplyDeleteA lovely post :) Happy crafting, Jenny
ReplyDeleteSuch a lovely post, Renee! Your son sounds like a beautiful young man and a such a wonderful witness for Christ .
ReplyDeleteThat was such a sweet post. I don't think missing them means you haven't let go. They are still your child. My daughter is 35. My sis in law and I talk about how we wish the kids were still little and at home with us taking them places and doing things with them.
ReplyDeleteI think your heart needed that visit with your son.
What a wonderful story Renee!! Your son sounds like a great guy! :) I'm glad that you got to see him.
ReplyDeleteI thought I would let you know that I posted about you on my blog today, and I thought that you might like to check it out :)
Have a wonderful day Renee!!
Love this blog..... Sally
ReplyDeleteYou and your son, obviously, have a very close and loving relationship. And your son calling you about him sharing his testimony...you have much to be thankful for. I don't know that mama-aches ever go away...my son will be 37 this year and lives two states away! To hear his voice over the phone helps calm my mama-aches. My daughters live close by and the mama-aches aren't quite as bad since I see them more often.
ReplyDeleteYou are absolutely right. When you have a healthy relationship with your Son, others will never understand. That matters not, what is important is you recognizing what blessings you have , in memories of a time now tucked away forever.Our last Son left home last May to marry his Dear Wife at the tender age of 21.They had both graduated college and were ready to marry.As happy as I was for him, it clearly was the saddest day, as I was saying good-bye to a young man that was truly a blessing to his Dad and I.He loved home and family,and now he is establishing his own home. In his words,Dad and you have given me such a joy-filled home,so much love and happiness, I want to carry that on.I am still adjusting,my heart still aches for him to come through our door regularly, and my eyes are filled with tears as I am typing.God is good, I awoke to a beautiful poem titled "My Mother" this morning from him.So , bless you for sharing, it helped me to realize, when others think we over-parented or cannot let go, it matters not.Hats off to you for raising a fine young man, Dawn E. Brown
ReplyDeleteI know that Mama-ache! My second boy, Andrew, is the same age as your boy. He is also in his third year of Bible college. I am SO very proud of the young men that he and his older brother are becoming, but sometimes I just plain old miss my boys! Some might misunderstand it, but I get it. I'm glad you got to go see your boy. My boys are too far away for me to go see them without major expense and planning. Good for you!
ReplyDeleteSuch a sweet post, Renee. I think all of us Mama'a can relate to that ache. My "boys" are 43,39 and 35 and I still get that ache. We all live close so I am blessed to see them often, but something will happen or the grandkids will ask a question about when their Dad was little, and tears will appear out of nowhere. I am so proud of the men they have become, but the "mama-ache" for the little boys is still there. Thanks for sharing your heart and putting a name to that bittersweet emotion.
ReplyDeleteHi Renee,
ReplyDeleteI have 4 children ranging in age from 48 to 40 in age.They are all married. I have 9 g-children and 2 g-g-children, and I get the Mumma-ache for all of them.
I think this Mumma-Heart-Ache is a special gift from God that lets us 'see' the past and present at the same time.
God Bless
Barb from Australia
That is a lovely post, thank you for sharing! I can totally identify with you as I have a son away at University. It hurts when people say you have to let go.
ReplyDeleteHeather x
Renee, this is such a touching story. God bless you for raising your child to love Him.
ReplyDeleteI am right there with you. Yesterday I had that very same Mama ache - swapped several texts with my youngest. He ended his last one with "my sweet, sweet Mother". He was a child of my heart and he is a man of God. How blessed am I. blessings, marlene
ReplyDeleteMy DD celebrated her third wedding anniversary last week; I still have mama-ache that makes me cry!
ReplyDelete